


Darkness

by Burgie



Category: Star Stable Online
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 16:06:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13485033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: Thomas talks to his son about his mental state following his return from Dark Core.





	Darkness

The most important thing in Thomas Moorland's life was not his stables. It was not even the land that his mother had given him, or his title. No, it was his family. More specifically, the family that he'd made. Or what was left of it.

And so, it was a very concerned Thomas Moorland who stood outside his son's bedroom, a hand raised and curled into a fist to knock on the plain wooden door. Unlike most kids, Justin had never put signs or posters on his door. Nor did he have any on the walls within his room, it was all bare walls and a few photographs. Of himself, his father, his friends, his beloved horse. His mother. Thomas closed his eyes and let out a sad sigh, bowing his head as he rapped twice on the door. No sound came from within, and Thomas's fatherly instincts told him to rush inside, to beat down the door if need be and check to see if his son was still breathing. But his own past experiences told him that this would not be the best course of action.

"Justin?" Thomas called, raising his head up. "Can I come in?" From inside, the silence grew heavy. But, just when Thomas was sure that his heart might burst from the anxiety, he heard movement. The springs in Justin's bed creaked, and footsteps approached the door across the carpet. The door swung open, revealing Justin's pallid face. The bags under his eyes and the white streak in his hair stood out, breaking Thomas' heart. "Oh, my boy, what has that man done to you?"

Justin let his father enter the room, closing the door behind him, but then simply stood there, his gaze vacant, while Thomas sat down on the bed, the springs protesting his girth. Thomas patted the blanket beside him.

"I can't promise that I'll be great company," said Justin, but sat down beside his father. Thomas wrapped an arm around him, which Justin didn't protest. He never did.

"My- Justin," Thomas corrected. His son was hurting, but he needed someone to talk to him, man to man, not father to son. "I know that you're probably struggling right now."

"Yeah, that's one way of putting it," said Justin, his tone bitter. "It's just... I haven't felt right since I got home. Being there, it... it changed something deep inside me, and I don't know if I can come back from that." Tears came to his already-bloodshot eyes, and Justin pressed his palms into them, rubbing them.

"You can tell me about it," said Thomas. "If you want."

"It's just this darkness," said Justin, gesturing out in front of him with his hands. "Like there's something wrong, something twisted inside of me, and I don't know if it's just the knowledge that my grandfather is evil, or if it's depression or something, or just from being there and thinking that way, or the aftereffects of the brain washing, I just don't know what it is!" He stared about with large, frightened eyes. "Have I been evil this whole time?"

"No, Justin, you haven't, and it's not just you," said Thomas, giving Justin's shoulder a squeeze.

"What do you mean?" asked Justin, looking at his father now. The pain in his eyes twisted Thomas' heart. Thomas took a deep breath, then let it out, looking at his feet for a moment before looking straight ahead.

"I may not know exactly what you are going through right now," said Thomas. "My father never succeeded in luring me in. That he did was my fault, I thought that keeping you in the dark would save you but it didn't and I'm sorry." Justin opened his mouth, probably about to apologise, but Thomas held up a hand. "No, don't interrupt, let me speak. If I don't get this all out now, I never will." He sighed.

"When I was a little boy, I first learned about my powers," said Thomas, removing the glove from his right hand. Darkness pooled there like ink or blood. "My father taught my brother and I how to use it first, of course. Levitation, shadow manipulation. We'd have hours-long games of hide and seek, manipulating the shadows to better hide us. It also helped when our mother called us in for chores or bath time, of course." He chuckled. "But then... our mother found out. And she was furious. Aaron and I watched the fight, she kicked our father out of the house and bade him never to return. Of course he did, he hid in the shadows and continued our education. I had no talent for the more powerful spells, of course, the most I could muster was shadow control. But Aaron... he could summon monsters. Or create them. Our mother found out and sent him off to school, where he'd learn more human things. Better things. He's the mayor of Jorvik City now, and he's not great at it, but he's also not terrible. But, with Aaron away at school... I was left at our father's mercy. He used me to manipulate shadow, creating camouflage for his more shady business ventures. That was, until I found out what he did. On that day... I saw a screaming man be devoured by tentacles of shadow, and my father laughed. He had a family, a young child, but my father didn't care. He was a threat to Dark Core, and so he was dealt with. And that day, I ran home and told my mother everything, begging her to stop him or to make me lose these powers. Of course, she couldn't. Not even the druids could rid me of these powers, of this burden. They tried, though. But no matter what they tried, I could still control the shadows. And so they told me to not use it. It worked. I met your mother, and my mother gave me this land as a wedding present, and I thought that everything would be fine. And then my father showed back up. He was furious, wanting to know why I'd turned my back on him, on my abilities, my potential. I told him that I just wanted to be normal, and to go away. He didn't accept that answer, of course. He tried to guilt me, telling me that he was evil, so I was, too. He told me that I had no idea what I was in for, that I would always have this ability, whether I liked it or not, and that I should embrace it, not run from it. When I built the stable, I had the druids spell wards into the stones and the gates, to keep out evil. It hurts me, and it will hurt you too, because of your magic, but it is enough to keep him away. That day Sabine rode through here, I could hear her skin sizzling. No doubt she had to hide blisters with make up afterwards."

"But I don't have any magic," said Justin, seeing that Thomas had finished for now. "Mr Sands and his Generals tried to bring it out, but I had none. That's why they tried to kill me."

"Oh, but you do have magic, my boy," said Thomas. "That is the darkness that you feel within you. I feel it too."

"How do you live with it?" asked Justin. "It clouds my thoughts so I feel like I'm evil or something." Thomas frowned sadly at him.

"I built these stables," said Thomas. "And I focus all of my energy on trying to keep them running the best they can. But also, I look for the good things in life. Because they keep me from slipping, keep me from dwelling, keep the darkness at bay."

"He tried to make me kidnap Zelda, and I almost did," said Justin, his voice cracking as the tears came once more. "But I was confused, I was so confused when I saw her. It was like the fog lifted, and I recognised her. But I forgot her again as soon as I got back to the oil rig."

"He has powerful magic, able to manipulate minds," said Thomas. "As do his Generals. But as long as you have your anchor, you can fight it."

"But is there a point?" asked Justin. "He kept saying that this was my destiny, but he's right, I have these powers and it was so easy to trick me. But I don't have these powers, dad, I can feel it but I can't use it."

"Okay, part of this is probably lingering confusion from the brain washing," said Thomas. "But being the grandson of evil does not make you inherently bad. We all have a choice, your uncle chose to pursue a career in politics, I chose to run these stables, and now you can choose to dwell on this or to get out there and live, to prove to everyone that you are not as bad as your blood says you are." Justin's eyes filled with tears, and his lower lip wobbled. He sniffed, and Thomas held him as another wave of tears overcame his son. It was like a dam breaking, the tears and emotions poured out as Justin sobbed in his father's arms.

"But how, dad?" asked Justin once the worst of the tears had passed. "How am I supposed to just ignore this or forget that it ever happened?"

"It won't happen right away, but just take small steps," said Thomas, taking Justin's hands in his own and turning to face him. "Start by helping out in the stables. That's a good thing. Be the friendly boy that I know you are, spend time with Mrs Holdsworth, help out Conrad and Maya. Not the bobcats yet, though." Justin snorted, and Thomas was glad to see humour in his son's face, even if it was only fleeting.

"I think I should build up to them." said Justin. "I can't have people admiring me right now. Not when my brain keeps telling me that I'm such a bad person."

"It's okay, take your time," said Thomas. "Aaron threw himself into work, but it took me a long time to feel okay again. And it's okay to not be okay, because it will pass. Some days will be better than others, and other days will be worse, but I can promise you that it will get better. And I'll do my best to see that happen." Justin sniffed, glancing down and then back up. It warmed Thomas to see determination in his son's brown eyes.

"Okay, dad," said Justin, giving a nod. "I'll do that. Starting with helping out Maya. But could you do me one small favour?"

"Anything," said Thomas, nodding.

"Tell the others not to mention it," said Justin. "I have you to talk about it with, but what I really need right now is a distraction."

"I will," said Thomas. "I know that they're all going to be very excited to welcome you home, though."

"Yeah, I know," said Justin. "That party that Loretta threw." He shuddered at the memory of all those smiling faces, all those people loving him.

"Yes, that was a mistake," said Thomas. "And she knows that. Why do you think I'm the only visitor you've had since then?"

"I thought you were keeping them out," said Justin.

"Well, I did say to give you some space," said Thomas. "But that's all. They listened."

"Wow," said Justin. "So if I came out right now, they'd still treat me like normal?"

"I think so," said Thomas. "But take all the time you need. They understand."

"Okay," said Justin. He gave his father a small smile. "Thanks, dad."

"And remember that you are not alone in this," said Thomas. "You can come and talk to me whenever you want. I'll always be here for you, even if you just need to get it off your chest." Justin grinned, and pulled his father into a hug. He still didn't feel a hundred per cent, but he was getting there. Slowly but surely.


End file.
